The Kiss Of Death
by SALJStella
Summary: Sparrabeth with DMC:spoilers. After killing Jack, Elizabeth has a hard time living with Will... And her own guilt. But when Jack gets back, could she maybe live with him? Read and REVIEW, I TELL YOU!
1. Prologue: The Kiss Of Death

**1: The Kiss Of Death**

**Jacks POV**

- I always knew you were a good man.

God, she's close to me now. And that way she looks at me… in some way she makes my pulse be so loud that it actually sounds _thump-thump _in my ears.

What the hell is she doing to me?! Just the fact that she's just inches away from me makes me fall _all _of the over standing _plus _I can't move or feel my hands.

And still I've gone so much further with so many other girls. But I haven't felt like this with any of them.

And then she kisses me.

Elizabeth Swann. She kisses me.

She engaged to Will and she kisses me. She does.

ELIZABETH SWANN KISSES ME!!!

The happiness explodes in me like crazy… fireworks. I still can't move my hands, but if I could, I promise you that they would go crazy too.

Has she finally got Will of her mind? Have she finally given in for… I wont say the _love, _more likely the extremely, extremely, extremely, extremely strong _physical attraction _between us?

I can't help but hoping. It's not like I want to marry her, but when she's walking around the deck with that triangle hat and the golden blond hair flying after her I… I want to _touch _her. In a different way then I've wanted to touch anyone else. I don't want to grab her boobs, I want to kiss her – in that icky soft and gentle way, not with an overwhelming amount of tongue like I usually do – and… Stroke her hair and stuff. Does that not just make you sick?

Yuk. How can I even bare being myself? It's disgusting, and now she's kissing me. She kisses me more by the second. With lips and tongue. But I could honestly say that I'm not responding.

But I'm not going to say that. Because I'd be lying.

Okay, okay, I am responding. But it's not like I don't have a reason! She's beautiful. No one can say she's not. She's mind-numbingly beautiful. And she's KISSING ME! She's actually KISSING me, I can _feel _her sift lips and her warm tongue and all that!

Now I'm standing with my back against the mast. But that's totally not important, because her tiny hands are on my neck. SHE'S KISSING ME!

One of her hand travels down my arm. She's Elizabeth Swann and she's kissing me kissing me kissing me! I know it's getting old, but she kisses me!

I don't really get it until she pulls back. And it sounds _click _down at my wrist.

I don't even have to check what it is. I've used those chains so many times myself. And even if I hadn't, that harsh cold against my skin that's hot with sun and battle and lust is unmistakable.

Bloody Lizzie. Stupid sexy pirate. Only pirates come up with such genius and selfish and devilish things.

She grits her teeth. And she's so goddamn beautiful.

- It's after you, not the ship, she says. Not us. This is the only way, don't you see?

She wants to be so strong and independent. But she can't keep the trembling out of her voice.

I can't help but smile. I hate her, admire her, want to kiss her again, and am about to blow up with pride.

Now she's approaching my mouth again. Now I want to beat her up and _beg _her to kiss me again. My emotions are all over the place today!

- I'm not sorry, she whispers.

But the hidden meaning is obvious. No matter how much she wants to hide it.

_But I _am_ going to miss you._

I don't want to let her go. And I know she _will _go, but it don't want her to do before I've said something. I want to say what I think about her. I'll probably never get a chance to say it if I don't do it now. And I've been thinking it since I first met her.

So I move as close to her as I can. And then I say one single word that says everything.

- Pirate.

Soar spot. But she tries not to show me, she just let go of my shoulder and goes away.

I thought the mutiny was going to be the biggest betrayal I'd ever know. But I never really trusted Barbossa. It didn't really hurt this much. And not even then was I betrayed like this.

No one can ever have been betrayed like this. Not ever.


	2. Memories

**A/N: Ok, here's the ****next chapter. I barely got any reviews for the last one, but I update anyway because I'm the author and I can do that. But I still want more reviews for this one, because I think it's good. And I'm never wrong! (Lying) And this chapter is longer than the first one, but it's only fair, because the first one was very, very short. Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I own the entire Caribbean, and Jack's my husband. (I don't own them)**

**2: **

**Elizabeth's POV**

I'm empty.

Will knows. He's got to do.

And Jack's dead.

Dead.

I killed him. I'm a murderer.

The Kraken ate him. But I killed him.

I've lost Will and I've lost Jack.

I didn't love him.

But I'll miss him.

And what he said echoes in my head. That single word, the two syllables, the six letters.

_Pirate._

That single word. With that single word he could despise me, insult me, forgive me, admire me and show me that he understood me like no one else ever had.

And I killed him.

- Against the cold, Tia Dalma says.

I give her tray a skeptical look. When she sees it, she adds:

- …And the sorrow.

I grab a cup.

But nothing will help against my sorrow. No drink in the world helps against the pain that lays in killing your friend.

Tia Dalma says something to Will, but I can't hear what it is. But who cares. Will saw us, I know he did, and now he hates me.

Will answers Tia Dalma in a lot higher voice than she used when she talked to him. And in a weird way he sounds relieved.

- It doesn't matter now. The Pearl is gone, along with its captain.

And it's my fault.

I didn't love Jack. I stick to that. And I know he didn't love me. We had a pretty confused relationship.

_I_ barely understood it. I don't think he did either. There was just an _unbelievably _annoying physical attraction, little games of leverage, one last deathly kiss when all my tensions went down.

That's our relationship. Not the healthiest one in the world.

No matter how I put it it sounds stupid. But I don't care.

I love Will. Really and truly. But we have such a goddamn sexless relationship, and I don't think that's the healthiest one in the world either.

Jack was… Jack was… _Sexy, _even though it pains me to say it. The attraction to him was so unbelievable _physical! _

That time I tried to prove that he was a good man our games of leverage got a little too much for the both of us. It was just an inch from throw caution to the wind (dad says that a lot, and I'm starting to say it, too, just because it sounds so stupid) and actually kissed each other, for real, an _actual _kiss, not a kiss of death. I almost manage to smile through my tears when I remember.

And I can almost feel his rum-tasting breath in my mouth. He looked so adorably helpless!

It was hard to pretend I had the upper hand. Just the fact he was so close to me made my knees literally wobbly.

And the next sentence I said I still don't know how I managed to say. That game we were playing was starting to sweep me away, too.

- You are going to want to know… I whispered with my head spinning, what it _tastes _like.

I saw him gulping before he turned against me.

- I _do _want to know what it tastes like, he said, his voice blurry.

Oh God. If he'd come just a little closer and say something his lips would brush against mine. I still remember the feeling, but I don't know how to put it. It felt so… Enormous!

The fact that I could say anything after that can only be described as a miracle. But I did it. Now it wasn't about proving that he was a good man, now it was about who was the first to lose control and admit The Attraction.

I told you it would sound ridiculous. Now the story continues:

Jack drew his raspy fingers along my jaw line, leaving a burning trail.

- But since you're a good man, I whispered, I know that you would _never _put me a situation that would disrespect my honor.

His mouth was mere millimeters away. Oh my God, _oh my God, OH MY GOD!_

I've never really understood why he pulled away at that moment. Maybe he actually had the self-control to do that. But it doesn't really matter. The annoying, confused Attraction was still there, and now we had both actually acknowledged it.

I was tensed like a violin string for the rest of the trip. I was torn between my love for Will and my desire to Jack.

I would lie if I said I didn't feel anything for Jack. I had feelings for him, I would never say I hadn't.

There were other ways to chain him to that mast. It's true.

I keep thinking I did it to save the other crewmembers. But I did it out of totally selfish reasons.

It wasn't the kiss that felt good by itself. It was my mental violin string that snapped. All my tensions went down when I felt his lips, warm with sun and his body and his warmth through the clothes.

That sounded _very _stupid. But it's true. And it's about to get a whole lot stupider, and it starts with this sentence: It was such a goof way to _slake my lust. _

And _that _sounded like a crappy love story. But it _was _a good way to _slake my lust _and drown my guilt.

Because I'm ashamed to death. I'm so insanely ashamed of the fact that I'm so attracted to someone else than Will.

Now, at least I can say that I kissed him for someone else.

What bothers me is the fact that when I put my hand on his neck I almost _forgot _the Kraken and Will and was swept away by the kiss.

And I realized that I only _slaked my lust _temporary. I want more. And who can blame me?! Jack's ridiculously handsome! And he's a bloody good kisser.

But I'm still trying to deny that the kiss also was a sort of punishment. I hated Jack for being so sexy! And when he's dead, he can't be a temptation.

And he's dead because of me.

When that comes back to me every little bit of the warmth that those memories gave me dies away.

_Jack, _I mentally say to him. _Jack. Jack, please forgive me. Please do. Because I love you. I'm not sure in what way, but I do. I swear I do. I can love you like I love Will, if that's what you want. I can love you as my fiancé, my lover, my friend. Even if you'll never feel the same. _

I haven't even noticed that tears are streaming down my face until now.

All the sudden I think I hear something being said to me. By Will. Is he talking to me?!

- If anything could be done to bring him back…

I don't dare to look at him. But he gets up and walks towards me.

- Elizabeth…

- Would you do it?

Tia Dalma cuts him off. It's something about her voice.

- What would you… Tia Dalma says sneakily. What would _any _of you be willing to do?

The entire crew seems to be listening intently to every word that comes out of her mouth by now. Me to.

- Would you go to the end of the earth, and beyond… Tia Dalma says with a lingering smile, to fetch back witty Jack and him precious Pearl?

The silence lies over the hut like a thick blanket until Gibbs breaks it.

- Aye.

- Aye! Pintel says and gets up.

- Aye, Ragetti says, his voice trembling.

Cotton just raises his glass, but his parrot says "Aye!"

Now everybody's looking at me.

"Witty Jack and him precious Pearl". That really paints a picture of Jack in my head, how he's at the top of the mast, standing tall with the entire world in his chocolate eyes, his dreadlocks blowing in the wind, with a crooked smile that makes his gold-capped teeth sparkling in the upcoming sun.

He's the man I killed, the man I desired, desi_re, _no matter how wrong and bad and immoral it is.

He's the man I miss. Miss as if a part of me had been torn off. And yes, I would go to the end of the world for him; I feel it like a giant scream from inside.

- Yes, I whisper.

Because I would. I'd do anything

If Jack just lets me kiss him again I'll do anything. I promise. Tia Dalma keep talking, but I drift away.

I'm busy sending a mental promise to Jack from Tia Dalmas hut.

**Read and review and I'll give you a cookie!**


	3. A Late Night Promise

**A/N: Hey guys! I'm sooooo sorry for the long update, but here's chapter three! And it's mostly a dialog, and it got pretty long, but you can read it. I BELIEVE IN YOU! And by the way, this is written from Elizabeth's POV. I think all the chapters will be from now on, I haven't really decided yet. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Pirates (sob)**

**3: A late Night Promise**

_Murderer, murderer…_

Jack's accusing last word… His eyes…

_Murderer, murderer…_

The taste of blood in my mouth…

_Murderer…_

I scream.

I'm nineteen years old and I scream like a baby. I can here that, even in my dream. That I scream like a baby.

- Elizabeth!

Tia Dalma's slender, dark fingers under my eyes. Wipes away my tears. Wakes me up.

I open up my eyes. I'm so entwined in my blankets that I hardly can move, I'm soaking in cold sweat and tears, I can hear my own hammering heartbeats.

My nightmare is still flashing in front of my eyes. But Tia Dalma's here and she's looking at me with concern.

- Were you dreaming? She whispers with her funny accent.

I nod and bite my bottom lip. I hardly realized that I'm crying in streams until now.

Yes, I'm crying. I'm crying and sobbing and snuffling like… Like a baby. Tia Dalma cups my face with both her hands and draws her thumbs under my eyes. And right now it feels like no one else in the entire world cares about me.

- A nightmare, I sob. Such a god-awful nightmare!

Tia Dalma nods.

- About him?

- Mm! I squeak and nod.

Tia Dalma smiles sadly and cups my chin.

- You want a drink?

I nod once again. Tia Dalma takes my hand – my god, I'm shaky! – and pulls me out of bed. As soon as the blanket slips off my shoulders, I get so cold that I'm shaking. Which is sort of odd, since we're in the Caribbean, and it's one hundred degrees in this little hut.

Tia Dalma looks at me, amused, and points to a chair in front of a table in the tiny room.

- Why are your teeth chattering? She whispers.

The entire crew sleeps in this one room. And everyone's doing it on chairs, on the floor or tables. I got the only bed, just because… Well, when it was bedtime I was crying and shaking so much that Tia Dalma offered me her bed, and slept on the floor herself.

- I'm so cold, I mumble between my clattering teeth.

Tia Dalma puts a cup in front of me, not entirely unlike the one I got when I got here.

- You're in shock, she says and enters the room with the curtain.

That I'm in shock is plain as hell. And I haven't stopped crying.

- We are going to get him back, Tia Dalma says when she comes back into the room. Barbossa is a good pirate. I know you miss him, but…

- That's not it! I cut her off and wipe my nose on my pajama's sleeve. I…

My voice cracks. Tia Dalma pours something in my cup from the black bottle she's holding. She's waiting calmly without taking her eyes off me.

- It was me who… I start again.

- What did you do, Elizabeth? Tia asks patiently and pours a glass to herself with the mysterious drink.

She knows. She knows what I did. She just wants me to own up to it.

- I left him for the Kraken! I break down, still whispering. I kissed him and then I chained him to the mast and I think Will saw me and now he hates me and when Jack comes back he will hate me, too, and I'm going to die alone and I…

- Drink, Tia interrupts me and points to my cup. You need some sleep. And, if not, you need to calm down.

I take a sip of the drink. It burns down my throat, worse than rum, but it warms my form inside.

- I always told Jack his lusting was going to kill him, Tia says with a sad smile.

I swallow the drink and some of my tears.

I don't understand how Tia can talk o me this way. Jack was her friend, and I killed him. She should hate me more than I hate myself.

And still she sits in front of me. Talks to my in a way she actually haven't done before. She usually speaks with me as the mysterious, strange voodoo queen she really is. But now it's like we're equals.

Like I wasn't a killer.

At that thought, the tears rise up in my eyes again. Tia sighs.

- Elizabeth, for Gods sake, she says. Drink! And stop crying, listen to me instead!

I nod, almost startled.

- You think Jack will hate you, Tia whispers and takes a sip of her drink. But why ever would he do that?

That's such a weird question that I almost stop crying.

- I killed him, I say quietly. Why ever would he _not _hate me?

Tia smiles.

- Jack's compass, she whispers. Have you not seen whom it points to when he holds it?

I look at her. The tears are still flowing, even though my eyes have gotten twice as big.

_No. No, he wouldn't. _

- You have no _idea _how much he wants you, Tia whispers, smiling. Have you never thought about why he went back to the Pearl when the Kraken attacked her?

- Yes, of course, I say, but…

- He cares about you, Tia cuts me off.

- Yes, I know, I whisper. And I know he wanted me, that was pretty obvious. But…

- If you had slit his throat or something like that, Tia cuts me off again, he would have hated you. That I can promise. But the way you killed him was the best way ever, for the both of you.

The last three words she utters immediately catch my attention.

- Both of us?

- Yes, Tia says, like it's the most obvious thing in the world. Since you wanted him, too.

The shock doesn't allow me to say anything right after. It gets stuck in my throat, smothers my voice. Tia smiles _that _way again.

My god. Am I that easy to see through?

- No, I manage to say at last. You're wrong.

What a good comeback. I'm so proud of myself.

- You didn't want him? Tia says and takes another sip. Then why did you kiss him?

- To chain him to the mast! I whisper, panicking. To save everyone! I had to…

- You _had _to? Tia asks, smiling. So you _hated _to kiss him? Were you truly _suffering? _

I slowly open my mouth.

- No, I say once again. I wasn't. I like kissing.

- Yes, Tia says. And you liked Jack. And you can't make me believe that there was no other way to chain him to the mast. I'm not that stupid.

- Yes, you are, I hiss. If you think I wanted Jack you are that stupid. I love _Will, _and no one else!

Tia calmly waits for my tantrum to end. Then she drinks the last drips out of her glass and says softly:

- I'm a voodoo queen, Elizabeth. Even if I would believe those things _now, _I would find out the truth eventually. So you might as well say it right now.

I sigh and turn around. Will is sitting behind me, sleeping.

He's sitting at the table he was throwing his knife into when we got here. His head is resting against the light stabbing marks and he's still holding the knife.

His left hand, the one that's holding the knife, lies under his cheek. He faces me, his mouth is open, his eyelids flutter, like he's dreaming.

But he's also frowning. He's having a nightmare, just like I had.

And maybe he's dreaming of Jack and me.

Maybe he's dreaming that my face is pressed against Jack's. Maybe he's dreaming that my tongue slips into his mouth, that I put my hand on his neck.

Maybe he's dreaming that. Just like I did.

Yes. He looks plagued. But in the meantime, when he's lying with his eyes closed and his mouth open, he's good looking in an almost feminine way.

Will _is _good looking. He's sweet, he respects me, he's safe and caring.

But Jack.

Jack.

No Will on the planet can cure me.

I turn back to Tia. Her black lips are smiling, and I know what she's thinking. She doesn't have to tell me.

I draw my hand under my eyes and empty my cup in a single swig.

- Promise me… I start before the tears crack my voice.

Tia refills my cup without taking her eyes of me. I take another sip and starts again.

- Promise me we'll get him back, I say, my voice raspy.

Tia's smile gets wider.

- I promise.

I nod. Then I get up, leaving Tia and the almost full cup behind, and go back to the warm bed.

And then I cry fresh tears into the pillow until the crew wakes up and the sunrise paints a thin, bright line over the horizon.

**Liked it? If you'll review it, I'll give you a cookie! And I'll update, too! **


	4. In His Bed

**A/N: Hi! Here's the fourth chapter, it turned out to be quite long and angsty. So, of you like angst, go nuts!**

**4: In his bed**

I cry too much. Way too much.

I cry too much to seem proud and strong and brave.

I cry too much for Will not to see.

The rest of the crew almost seems to be over Jack. Or, that what it would seem like to an untrained eye. But I know this crew. I know they mourn for him. Instead of laughing and talking like they usually do, they do the things Barbossa tells them, quiet and severe- they don't show the love that I know they feel for the Pearl. Their eyes aren't soft when they split the anchor ropes. They look at that stupid rope like they hate it. Which is sad, because I know they don't.

I don't do a thing. It's a silent deal. Every time Barbossa tries to give me an order, Gibbs hop out and says he can do it. And Barbossa never questions him.

So I'm just sitting there. Tia is the only one who talks to me, except for Gibbs, maybe. Will is seeking my eyes, touches my arm sometimes, but I don't dare to look at him. I'm so afraid of what he'll say.

Even if I know his frustration grows for every time I turn my back on him. Just like Jack's desire for me grew for every time I toyed with him.

God. What a slut I've become. I play with Jack and with Will, I really play with all the men like they're toys, wrap them around my finger and refuse to follow anything through.

I have to throw my morals away. I know, deep inside, that I'm a pirate. Jack was right about the last thing he said to me. No matter how badly I want to deny it, I'd never be happy if I went back to Port Royal.

I'm a pirate. I'm like Jack.

_Jack…_

I whimper and bury my face in my hands. I'm lucky I'm below decks. As I said, the crew has seen me cry way too many times.

Every time I think of Jack it's like a rough nausea, a hit in my stomach.

A hit of guilt. Of longing.

It might have been easier if he hadn't looked so proud. But I saw him from the longboat, how he'd gotten up, stood with his head held high and his sword risen. He hadn't run away from the Kraken, he'd thrown himself into its mouth.

_Yeah, well, what did you think? _A cold voice in my head says. It sound a lot like Jack's.

_He's Jack Sparrow. Captain Jack Sparrow. Did you think he'd crouch next to the mat while you went away, heartbroken and satisfied? Did you think he'd cover his head with his arms and scream "No, no, no!" when the Kraken devoured him? _

_Please. He'd already been betrayed; his lusting had already become his death, just like Tia said. Have you ever thought about why he tried sp hard to get she shackles off? He knew you escaped in the last boat!_

_He knew there was no way out. But he wanted to maintain some of his pride. He'd already gone in a trap, but he wasn't going to die rolled up into a ball, he wasn't going to hide! He was going to die tall and strong, like a man!_

_It was his fate. You know that. _

Yes. I know that.

Jack was probably capable to stall his judgment. But he couldn't escape it. And he knew it.

But there hadn't even been a judgment to escape of it wasn't for me!

I whimper once again and leans my forehead against my knees.

_Hell, he wouldn't even be dead if it wasn't for me! _

- Elizabeth?

I startle and lift my head.

A soft voice. Calm and gentle. Not at all like Jack's slurred, vibrating dark.

Will's voice. Imagining him is easy, just think of the exact opposite of Jack.

I'm insane. I love two men, and the only thing they have in common is that they're both totally different from the other one.

It doesn't matter. I can't sit here and philosophize; I've got to move. Will can't see me like this, then he'll think, no, then he'll _get _that I just think about Jack, he has to think I don't care.

I stumble onto my feet and fix my vest.

_Have to get away from Will. _

I walk soundlessly around the corner and crouch behind some bags with an unknown content. I hear Will walk around, hear his fist smack against the wall when he hits it. Hard.

He moans and curses silently.

- Elizabeth?

_Please, Will, _I think and put my hand on my cheek to see of it's still wet. _You can't help me, no one can, so just go._

_I know you want to help me, but only Jack can help me. No one else. _

_Just go. Go away. _

- I know you're here, Elizabeth. I saw you go down.

He doesn't sound like his sweet self at all. He sounds watching. Almost menacing.

- Is this were you're hiding?

I startle again, almost scream when I look up on him. When I'm crouching he looks twice as long. And a lot more horrifying.

But only lasts for a second.

- Sorry, he says with his warm smile back on his face. I didn't mean to scare you. I was just wondering how you are.

What the hell is he doing?!

How can he wonder how I am, how can he care at all when he saw what I did? I almost feel like yelling at him.

- Er… I say slowly.

No. I can't do it.

I can't sit here and talk to him. I can't tell him how I feel. And more than anything, I can't tell him that I'm so unhappy I'm thinking about killing myself.

I might have, if it hade been like it was before.

Or if it just had been different. If Jack had died because of someone else.

But Jack is dead. And he died because of me, no one else.

And nothing is, or will be, like it was before.

And that's why I get up. And I try to walk past Will, but he grabs my arm. Not violently, but I stop anyway and let him wipe some fresh tears from my lifeless, pale face.

- Elizabeth, he whispers. Talk to me.

I don't move. But my eyes slowly wanders off to his face.

- I can't, I answer, my voice shaking. I can't. Now let me go.

Will doesn't let go. It's quite the opposite, his grip tightens.

- There's something you're not telling me, he says.

His voice isn't calm and understanding anymore. It's not really menacing either, more like… Correcting. As if I'm a child that he caught playing in a swamp with my new shoes on.

Yes, Will, there's a lot of things I'm not telling you. There are so many things you don't know. So many reasons you can't trust me anymore.

You don't know I love Jack. Even if I don't know in what way yet.

You don't know I gave in that awful, awful day on the Pearl. Gave in to the desire, the lust, the longing.

You don't know that I've been thinking about him, about a _pirate, _ever since that day.

And God only knows if I'll ever be able to tell you that.

- Will, let me go, I whisper helplessly.

Will sighs. He looks disappointed, almost sad, but he lets me go. And I walk away, I walk away and try to look like I'm holding my head high.

But I can't. Because my head has sunken down between my shoulders, that are shaking with sobs.

xxxxxxxxxxx

- Miss Elizabeth?

Gibbs' voice is the closest I ever get to hear Jack's voice now days. I don't try to run away when he comes up to me and put his hand on my shoulder.

- It's almost three o'clock, he says, worried. Aren't you going to bed?

I'm sitting on the rail with a blanket over my shoulders and shake with the cold. I know that below decks there are thicker blankets and the body heat from twenty men, but I don't want to go down there. I always cry the most at night.

- No, I say and try to keep my voice steady. I want to sit up here.

Gibbs sighs in a way that reminds me an awful lot of Will.

- I guess a young lady doesn't like the thought of sleeping in a hammock amongst twenty men that much? He says, almost jokingly.

I manage to give him an exhausted smile.

- No. Not much.

- You can always sleep in Jack's cabin, he says gently.

Sleep in Jack's cabin? I've ever dared to even think that.

I don't know what that would do with my despair. Of course it would be wonderful to sleep in a cloud of Jack's smell of rum and sea and sweat.

But I also know that all my guilt would be stirred up-up-up even more, eat me from inside until I'm a hollow shell.

I don't manage to weigh the good sides against the bad ones. I'm too tired, I'm so dreadfully tired and sad and cold. So I just nod silently and let Gibbs walk me to Jack's door.

I'm also too tired to hide away my tears. They well up in my eyes and freezes on my cheeks, and I sob between chattering teeth and cry like a baby, just like that night in Tia's cabin. In fact, I'm almost always cold now! I sleep with three blankets, and yet I'm shaking and shivering.

I hate to do it, but even now, I cry like a baby. A baby that just wants to crawl up in Gibbs' arms and cry my eyes out.

When we're outside the door and I'm on my way in, Gibbs asks, without any warning:

- You're thinking about Jack, aren't you?

I turn to him with wide, wet eyes. Why does he ask that? And why the hell would that be his business, anyway?!

But I'm too tired to give him a frosty respond. And I'm too tired to run away. I can just be honest, and I know Gibbs won't tell anyone.

- I love him, Gibbs, I say with a shaky, yet determined voice.

And the honesty brings out new tears. A different kind of tears. Tears that's like a giant tide, enormous, overwhelming and uncontrollable, it pushes its way through my body like a cramp, and it forces me to put my hand over my mouth to keep from screaming.

Because it hurts.

All the sudden, it's not just sad, it's so goddamn _painful, _too.

- You have no idea how much I love him, I whisper between my fingers.

Gibbs nods. And I see a little smile in the corner of his mouth when he put his arms around me, keeps me for a moment.

But just for a moment. After a few seconds, he lets me go.

- Go to bed, Miss Elizabeth, he says, his voice warm.

I nod. All the sudden, I'm ashamed of my vulnerability, so I just open the door and go inside.

It's warmer in here. I'm too tired to take of my clothes. I'm too tired to do anything tonight.

So I just walk up to the bed, _his _bed, throw the blankets aside and crawl down beneath them. My teeth are still chattering when I pull the blankets over my head.

Jack.

I love you.

I love you with an unknown kind of love. A love that destroys and burns, a love that consumes and hurts.

A love that I never want to go away.

That's the last thing I manage to think before I drift into a worried sleep.

**What will happen to our confused little murderess? Review, and I'll let you find out! **


	5. The Kiss Goodnight

**A/N: Hello! I'm sorry for the once again long update, but all my teachers have gone crazy, I'm basely drowning in homework! **

**The first chapters were some things that could have (and should have) happened in DMC when we weren't watching, but the following chapters can be taken as AU. They didn't happen in AWE, but… Well, they SHOULD HAVE! Any Sparrabeth-worshipper would agree with me! **

**Anyway, enjoy!**

**5: The Kiss Goodnight**

I haven't seen the crew this happy since they thought Davy Jones gave up.

Marty yelled.

"_They're giving up!"_

It feels like that happened in an other life. In a life when my feelings for Jack were just lust, just a crush. Not love, no mind-ripping passion. When our games were just… Games. Games of leverage. Not serious.

Not deadly.

The tears rises in my eyes, the do that more and more often now days, but I won't let them fall. Jack will not see me cry. He will punish me, and when he does he won't see me cry.

I will take my punishment calm and strong. Because I deserve it.

If he kills me, I deserve that, too. Definitely.

It's not often you see a whole ship, a big, proud thing like the Pearl, go down on sand. Even I, in my emotional numbness, have to widen my eyes at that sight.

The whole crew jumps up and down, cheering, but I don't make a sound. Jack that stands in the mast wakes up terrible memories in me.

_He looks as fearless and stands as tall as he did when the Kraken… _

I immediately stop my thinking. I've cried enough. And haven't I already said that Jack won't see me cry?

- Hello, my darlings, Jack says calmly as he jumps down on the sand.

- Jack! Gibbs says, excited, and runs up to him. You have no idea how happy we are to see you, mate!

Jack gives him a strange glare before he turns to the rest of the lined-up crew and says:

- Okay, my lovely little imaginations. Have you come to join me?

I see Will frown lightly before he taps Jack on the shoulder and says carefully:

- Jack, do you think we're hallucinations?

Jack raises his forefinger to his lips with a strict look on his face.

- Hallucinations don't talk, Mr. Turner.

That's such an odd comment that even I have the courage to say something.

- Jack, I say. This is for real. We're here.

Jack gives me a fleeting look. I have to bite my lip to keep from breaking my promise and cry.

_He doesn't want to look at me. _

_There was a time when he loved to look at me, when he would scan over me and grin. But that time is over, it's over and it's never coming back. And that's my fault. _

Jack looks us over. No one say a thing. And I can see how Jack's playfulness pours away from him. How his eyes turn big and wondering, and how he finally understands.

- Aha.

- We've come to rescue you, I say.

How brave I've become. I have the guts to talk to him, all the sudden.

- Why, _have _you, Lizzie? Jack says mockingly. But the way I see it, you've phrased the saying wrong. As you probably can see, _I _have a ship, and _you _are stranded. Ergo, _you're _the one that needs to be rescued. And you know what? I'm not quite sure I'm in the mood.

I hate the way he talks to me. The mocking, the irony, the ridiculing intonation. But I guess it's stupid of me to even _hope _that he'd be as he used to.

- I can imagine sailing with _some_ of you, though, Jack says and starts to walk along the line of his little crew. Gibbs, you'll do, Marty, too… Cotton, you may join me. And so will the parrot…

He silences abruptly when he sees Tia. She smiles mysteriously and… _Seductively _at him.

I frown. Tia has never had those feelings for Jack, has she?

I hate to admit it, but I feel a blade of jealousy stab me in the gut. Jack's _mine! _She sure as hell shouldn't stand there and flirt with him!

How can I think like that? Jack is hardly mine; he's nobody's! But I've killed him, he should be less mine than anyone else's.

- What are you doing here? Jack asks.

I can promise you that he smiles. Oh, how much I hate him right now. I can feel it, it's like a giant, black ball in my chest.

- You can't do anything without me, Jack Sparrow, Tia says playfully.

Slut.

I know I'm not supposed to think that about her. As I said, Jack isn't mine, and Tia is my friend, but I really think that. Just for a second I think she's a big, goddamn slut.

_Somewhat like you, _a voice in my head says.

Yes. Somewhat like me.

Jack nods.

- Okay. Tia's in, too.

He keeps walking, and when he stops at Barbossa, he looks confused again. Almost scared. But it only takes him a second to put his smile back on.

- Hector, he says as if he's greeting an old friend.

- Jack, Barbossa answers with mock politeness. Long time no see.

- Indeedy, Jack says. The last time must've been…

- Isla de Muerta, Barbossa says calmly. You shot me.

- That's right! Jack says happily. Anyway, hello to you. Who else we got…

And now he stops at me. I look him firmly in his eyes.

My god. I actually planned to be nice and not compete with him for once, but all I can think is: _Keep your eyes steady, don't let him beat you… _

- Elizabeth, he says coldly.

His voice is so low only I can hear him.

- Jack, I respond.

My voice doesn't tremble. I'm so good.

- I guess you've passed the time with _not _being sorry? He says.

His eyes are as cold as his voice. They're frozen chocolate.

How could I destroy his warm, brown eyes? How could I wreck something so beautiful?

Now his voice isn't low anymore. Everyone can hear him. No, not everyone, but I know Will can, and that's enough.

Either Jack or me lower our eyes. And I swear his frozen eyes are full of hunger, hunger for revenge.

- Pretty much, yes, I hiss.

God, I'm lying. God, I'm a fake.

God.

Help me, God. Take me away from here.

Jack smiles. He almost looks proud.

- I see. So you're… Basely incapable of human feelings?

No, Jack. Two objects of my love is currently standing right next to me. Feelings are all I am right now.

I don't answer him. And his smile gets wider. And more bitter.

- I could use one of those on my ship. The whole bunch might as well come. Because if anyone of you is in terrible agony, young miss Swann right here easily and quickly can relive you from your suffering.

Then he walks up to the Pearl. I can feel Will's and the whole crew's stunned eyes in my back when I follow him.

xxxxxxxxxxx

It's nighttime.

I still won't sleep with the men. I don't want to see their glares, don't want to hear them whispering.

I'm not sure they know. They might have not gotten it, but they're definitely suspicious.

Maybe Jack has told them.

I crawl up on a sack of spices and wrap my arms around me. It's cold in the storage room. And since I don't even have a reasonable blanket, I'm so cold my teeth are chattering. But I'm almost used to that by now.

Now, I'll sleep. And tomorrow I'll do my job, I'll avoid Will and I'll be as close to Jack as I possibly can without making eye contact.

Steps.

My thoughts get cut off by the muffled sound of boots against the black wood of the Pearl.

- Elizabeth.

A voice. His voice.

I roll over on my back. His shape is black against the opened door. I don't make a sound. I'm not even surprised.

He talks a few more silent steps up to me. Kneels down next to me. I stare calmly at his darkened face.

If he'll get back at me, he won't do it now. I know that.

A hand on my neck. His head that lowers down to mine.

He doesn't open his mouth or use his tongue. It's just a soft, gentle brush over my lips.

It just lasts for a second. But even when his lips get off mine, he doesn't pull back; I can still feel his breath in my mouth. Just like after our first kiss. The kiss of death.

- A kiss goodnight, he whispers into my mouth. Admit that you wouldn't fall asleep if I didn't do that.

I nod. He's right. He can have the upper hand, just this once.

- Tomorrow we'll talk, Lizzie. Okay?

I nod again. He gets up. I close my eyes to the sound of his feet.

Maybe I'll sleep well tonight.

**Tomorrow is the talk day. And you, my friends, will read about it in the next chapter. As long as you review… **


	6. The Talking Begins

**A/N: Here be ****the next chappie… It's not that good, but in my defense, I was in the middle of a fight with my parents when I wrote it. And I can't write when I'm angry. But if you like it, I guess my opinion doesn't matter much. **

**6: The Talking Begins**

"Would you mind following me to me cabin, Miss Swann?"

Finally. I thought he'd never ask.

I've walked around all day with a big, heavy lump in my stomach. A lump of nervousness. Because I still remember the kiss goodnight from yesterday, and what he told me.

"_Tomorrow we'll talk, Lizzie. Okay?"_

I can hardly say no. I hate to admit it, but _he's_ really the one who has _me _wrapped around his finger, not the other way around.

I'd do anything for him. Isn't that just horrible?

For the whole day I've been walking around the ship and longed and dreaded for him to have that talk with me. I've felt Jack's teasing looks, and I've felt Will's vigilant ones.

I know he's afraid of losing me. And I can't say I don't understand him. He saw Jack and me, and even if he didn't, I'd be worried if I were him. He knows I like Jack, even if he's still happily unknowing about that little, simple fact that I love him. And Jack is famous all around the world for being the three following things:

1: Crazy, in general.

2: Addicting to rum.

3: Practically Gods gift to women.

Well, there it is. Will has a reason, _many _reasons to be worried. Especially when his fiancé is such a giant slut.

I feel like jamming the scrub brush down my throat until I choke on it. What kind of person am I? I'm engaged, I'm getting _married_, and I'm constantly thinking of another man, that probably could _pretend _to love me, bang me a couple times and throw me overboard.

No. He'd never do that. Jack is a good man. He has no moral and he's… Slightly insane, but he's a good man.

Anyway, I've been avoiding Jack the whole day. Recently Gibbs told me and Will to scrub the deck, and while we did, Will has tried to talk to me. Sort of subtle. 'How are you?' was the opening line, but it didn't take long until he tried to make me tell more important things. If I've missed Jack, for example. And how I feel about him.

Damn Will. He'd always make me guilty with his puppy dog eyes.

But now, Jack is in front of me, where I am on my knees with soap lather up to my elbows, and he asks me if I would mind following him to his cabin.

I stare at him, almost horrified. Will is next to me, and he pretends to keep scrubbing, but I can tell he's listening to every word we say.

"Why do you want me to?" I say, my voice squeakier than I wanted it to be.

Jack smiles. But his eyes are sneaky, as if I would understand some sort of hidden meaning in his words.

"I merely wish to speak with you, Miss Swann," he says with mock politeness.

"Can't you talk to her out here?"

Will stops pretending he doesn't hear us and gets up. I glance angrily at him.

Why would it his business where I'm talking to Jack?! I'm not his property! I almost feel like throwing my arms around Jack's neck and kiss him. Just to mess with Will. And for some other reasons.

Jack, on the other hand, doesn't look annoyed at all. More like amused. And he turns to Will with every trace of sneakiness away from his face.

"You see, Master Turner" he says innocently, "I happen to have some unresolved business with your fiancé, and I'd like to have them…. Resolved."

"I see" Will say.

He still has that vigilant look.

"But can't you resolve them here, up on deck?"

"No" Jack says, determined, but his exaggerated language lingers. "That shall not work. In the name of absolute honesty, I would like to resolve these businesses with Miss Swann, and not with you or any member of this crew."

Will opens his mouth again, but now I'm really bothered by him, so I interrupt.

"Will," I say strictly. "I'd like to talk to Jack, too. It won't take long, I'll be back in I minute."

Will's whole face retracts; he presses his lips to a thin line. I swear I can see something that almost looks like lust of murder in his eyes before he kneels again and starts to scrub the deck, harder than necessary. A smile starts to play with the corners of Jack's mouth.

"Why so upset, Master Turner? This young lady is not your property."

"Shut up" Will hiss. "Just take her, talk to her and bring her back up."

Jack's amused look is still there. But I feel almost uncontrollable anger well up in me.

"Will!" I say correcting, but Jack puts his hand on my back and starts leading me away from him before I get a chance to relieve my feelings.

I feel Will's eyes follow me all the way down to the cabin. Feel him watching Jack's hand on my back. Just like the day before, when I walked back to the Pearl.

_I'm sorry, Will. But there's nothing I can do. What do you even _want_ me to do? I know I love Jack, but I don't know in what way. I'm not sure if I love you, not anymore, but if I do, I love you as a fiancé. _

"He has every reason to be worried," Jack mutters in my ear when he moves his hand to my arm, squeezes it hard. "No we'll get this settled, Lizzie."

"Let go of my arm!" I hiss without daring to pull it. "I can walk on my own."

Jack doesn't even answer. He just pushes me through the black door to his cabin, slips in himself and slams it shut behind him.

I'm not sure how it happened. But apparently I'm in Jack Sparrows cabin, and he's standing in front of me.

The man I've been thinking of. Every damn day for the last six months I've been thinking of him, missed him, mourned him, loved him, and he's standing in front of me. And his eyes are full of playfulness, anger, desire, and they're so intense I don't dare to look into them anymore.

"As I said," Jack says casually, "we have some things to straight out."

I don't answer. I just swallow and look firmly at his chest.

"First things first," Jack says and puts two fingers under my chin to force me to look at him. "You've been sleeping in me bed. Got a good excuse?"

My eyes widen. I wasn't prepared for an immediate attack. I thought Jack handled anger in the same way he handles attraction: Tiptoe around it and refuse to give any clear signs.

"Well…" I say dumbly. "I didn't want to sleep amongst twenty men."

"Aha" Jack says and slowly starts to walk in circles around me.

He's making me nervous.

"And something else I'm curious about," he says from somewhere behind me. "Does the crew, and, more importantly, _Mr. Turner, _knows how it happened that unfortunate day when you killed me?"

That's a soar spot, and he knows it. I want to cover my eyes with my hand, doesn't want Jack to see me cry.

"No" I say with _almost _all of my regular cockiness. "They think you stayed voluntarily to give us a chance."

I hear a hollow chuckle at my side.

"And those guys say they know me. Anyway, next question: Did your pretty fiancé saw exactly _how _you killed me?"

I bite my bottom lip. I won't cry,I _won't!_

"Yes" I say slowly.

My voice might tremble, but I think I'm doing okay.

"Yes, I think he did."

"Bummer," Jack says.

But even though I don't even see him, I know he doesn't look sorry at all.

"And, finally, the last question I'd like to have an answer on…"

He's still standing behind me. All the sudden his hands are on my hips, all the sudden they find their way under the hem of my shirt, his cold rings sharply contrasts his warm hands against my skin.

"What did you say you were?" he mumbles with his strong, dark voice into my hair. "_Not _sorry? I'd love to know if you were honest on that point, Lizzie."

**The rest of the talk comes in the next chapter. I've split it up into two chapters, partly because the talk with Will got longer than I thought, partly because more chapters means more reviews! ;-) Let my know what you thought! **


	7. Punishment

**A/N: Grrr… Fanfiction kicks ass, but when the review-system crashes… I think blood-splattering thoughts… Anyway, after writing sex chapters of almost pure angst, I just had to make this one a little more humorous. But I won't keep you long. Here's the rest of the talk!**

**7: Punishment **

"Jack!"

I jump backwards, ridiculously afraid of his touch, but I do have a reason for that:

Ever since I killed him, this moment is all that I've thought about.

Every night and day I've thought about him touching me, him whispering in my ear. Him forgiving me.

I've been dreaming, longed and feared.

And that's exactly why it can't happen.

If he touches me, I will never be able to go back to Will.

If he touches me, I'll lose my last trace of control.

Jack doesn't look surprised at all. He's just smiling.

"Yes, Elizabeth?" He answers with the same politeness he used just a few minutes ago, up on deck, and puts his arms around my waist.

The prepared lie I was going to use lays flat down on my tongue and confuses to get out when I feel his body heat.

Jesus. I'm too old for this feeling. Even if I've been freezing most of the time since Jack died, it's not like I've been cold for all my life. I've been feeling warm before, and then it was hardly like this.

I've sat in front of the fire in Port Royal, and it feels like a completely different life now. I've been eight years old and crawled up in father's lap with a cup of hot chocolate and listened to him when he reads stories.

That wasn't like this. Not at all. That was cozy, it warmed me from the _inside. _The chocolate, the fire and father's soft voice created a warm, soft little ball that laid down in my stomach. I remember that, even though it was eleven years ago.

I've even been standing like this with Will. He has been standing with his arms around me, whispered in my ear.

"I love you, Elizabeth."

It's almost with fear that I realize that Will, too, warms me from the inside when he stands with me like that. That he, too, forms a warm ball in my stomach.

_God, _I think and clutches my hands into fists to keep from touching Jack. _I can't spend the rest of my life with a man that I love in the same way that I love my father and hot chocolate. It makes no sense. _

No. I can't live with Will.

Especially not when I'm with a man that doesn't make me feel warm on the inside at all, he makes me feel way too hot on the _outside. _

A man that sets my skin on fire just by touching it and clouds my sight and my mind with lust.

But I have to try. I have to give Will another chance. Even if I love him like a daughter loves her father.

"Jack," I repeat, slightly calmer this time. "Let go of me now."

"I don't see that happening," Jack says, amused.

I haven't realized it until now, but he has been walking towards me, and I've been walking backwards, still with his arms around me. It's a miracle that neither one of us have tripped over the other one's feet. But nonetheless, here I am, with my back leaning against the wall, and Jack is in front of me. As if he's keeping me from running away.

That's another thing I realize with fear.

For the first time in my life, there's no way out.

I'm in Jack's mercy. He can do whatever he pleases with me.

I gulp.

Okay. This is what I was prepared for, right? It's time for my punishment.

I was prepared, but I'm still terrified.

It's time. Face your fears, Elizabeth.

"Jack," I say again and grab his hands. "Let me go."

"I shall not," Jack says, smirking.

"Yes."

"What about this," Jack says, and I can tell by that devilish glint in his eyes that he has big plans. "I'll let go, if you give me an argument I think is good."

"So I need your approval?" I hiss.

I really hate him right now. He knows that my giant guilt doesn't allow me to say no to him, which he can big advantages of.

"Exactly," Jack says (God, can't he take his hands away?!) "Let's hear it."

"But, then you can just say that you don't think my argument is good, even if you do," I say helplessly, very aware of that it's that part that makes him smile like a child with a brand new toy.

"I know," Jack says cheerily. "Clever, don't you think? Now, say something."

I take a deep breath. Try to pretend that it's Will's hands. Or Gibbs's, who's ever except for Jack's!

"Jack," I say firmly. "I hope you don't think that… Meant something."

Why can't I say the word 'kiss'?

I thought this would make Jack annoyed, maybe even annoyed enough to give me a slightly better punishment than pushing me through this… Physical torture, that I will give in to any second now.

It's like in the middle ages. Jack could just put me on a rack until I told what he wanted to hear, it would have the same effect as this.

"It was just a goodbye," I continue, even though the lie tastes like disgusting, sticky glue. "And I did what I had to do. Plus… What are your hands doing?!"

Jack's hands are moving, and they're underneath my shirt again. His fingers are dancing across my stomach, taints me with every touch. And Jack is smiling, still, just like he's been doing during our entire conversation. Because he can tell I'm about to give up.

For my skin is on fire again. And I have to bite my lip to keep from whimpering.

"You should know better than anyone, Lizzie," he mumbles smugly.

"Jack…" I say, my voice shaking.

Then I manage to get a grip on the reality long enough to gain some perspective.

This is ridiculous.

Jack is a person, not a god. He's pirate, even. I should look down on him, not squirm around like a worm under his touch.

That thought gives me my demanding voice back. And my ability to look Jack into his eyes.

"Jack," I say in an entirely different intonation than before. "I love Will. I'm getting _married _to Will. If that isn't a good enough argument, I don't care if you let me go or not. Because, as I already said, I can walk on my own."

I shrug his hands off and start to walk.

And I manage to think a whole, confused mass of thoughts in just a second:

_Turn around keep walking kiss him go to Will marry him JACK WILL JACK_

I'm not quite sure how it happened. I see a hand flash in front of my eyes, I feel a sharp pain in my arms, and all the sudden, I'm pressed up against the wall, and my wrists are nailed to it by Jack's strong, ring-dressed hands.

"I'm _so _proud of you right now," he hisses, grits his teeth, dangerously close to my lips. "That you can lie and stay that calm is a classic sign that you're becoming a true pirate."

"Jack, _let-" _I begin, but he interrupts me quickly.

"No, I won't let go, and you're going to shut your damn mouth up and _listen _for a change!" He says angrily and pushes my wrists even harder into the black wood behind me. "If you say you love Will one more time, I'll cut your tongue out just to get away from it! Because it's _not _true, and it never has been! So never say that again. _Never. _Okay?"

I nod stiffly. Even though I see flaming, untamable, almost frightening anger in Jack's eyes, I feel calm in an odd way.

This is my punishment. Finally.

"And more than anything," Jack continues and loosens the grip on my wrists a little, "you still haven't answered my original question. And I'm still curios about that."

I swallow. Apparently it's noticeable that I'm giving up, because Jack lets go of my wrists and captures my hands between his own, in an almost loving way.

I will give in.

All the sudden, I just know it.

I will tell him the truth, and I will try to fight against him. But then I will give in.

_He's like a mosquito bite, _I think and close my eyes. _It's itchy like hell, and you can try to ignore it, you can even try to scratch around it. But you don't feel any difference until you claw the bite with your nails until the blood trickles down your fingers._

So I open up my eyes again. Jack is standing in front of me, and I know what those black eyes mean. He looked exactly the same that day on the Pearl.

"I lied," I say resolutely. "You win, okay? I was sorry then. And I'm sorry still."

And then, just like I thought, I try to break free again. Pull away my hands and do another intent to go away, but then that dark fire return to Jack's eyes, and he grabs me by the waist and pushes me back into the wall in such a force I gasp.

Jack doesn't seem to notice.

"It is not. That. Easy." He says in a dark voice.

His hand slides away from my waist, over my stomach, graces over my breasts until it reaches my neck. For a second I almost think Jack is going to strangle me, but he just leaves his hand there, his fingers cold against my throat as he leans forward, so close to my face as his lips almost brush against mine as he speaks.

"You're not going to get away now, Lizzie. Understand? Now, there's no Kraken, no whelp, nothing but you and me. If you don't want this, you're going to have to kill me."

I smirk weakly. It's strange that someone who looks absolutely furious, someone who currently can kill you just by closing his hand a little more, can be so arousing.

"Is that how much you want me?" I ask, looking him firmly in his eyes.

Jack smirks back at me.

"If you didn't feel the same, I'd be dead by now."

And then he kisses me.

Not like Will. No attempts to be careful, no touching me as if I was made of glass.

He just kisses me. It's that easy.

No difficulties, nothing that pressures us to make it perfect. Because we both know that it will be.

Hands on my waist.

My hands inside his shirt.

His tongue in my mouth.

And an entire world, an entire universe that disappears when he picks me up and carries me to his bed.

The whole world disappears. Except for Will, that stands with his face pressed against the cabin's window.

**The whelp wrecks everything… As usual. Review, and I'll update the next chapter, that might be the last one… **


	8. More Than Love

**A/N: (Hides from ****the shame) Don't hate me… I'm really, really sorry for the long update! But… Christmas is exhausting! But hopefully, at least some people will read this… It's the final chapter of The kiss of death!**

**8: More Than Love**

Good God.

How could I do this?

That I slept with Jack might be acceptable, but how could I do it so… So poorly hidden? So careless?

I've been in his cabin for almost an hour. I told Will I'd be back up on deck _soon. _Now he must've finished scrubbing it, it has probably even managed to get dirty again during the time I've been pressed up against Jack like a goddamn whore.

But now, I stumble up onto the deck. My hair is messy, my clothes are wrinkled and my cheeks are probably all blushed.

So, to sum it up: I'm completely seeing-through. I won't have to explain to Will, he'll know for himself. If you can't see it in the way I look, you can see it in my eyes. Will knows me good enough to tell that.

I spot Gibbs standing by the rail and talk to Marty. I walk up to him and try to tap him on the shoulder in a casual way.

Gibbs turns to me. He scans me over, and he can see.

He can see my misery. He can see my tears.

He can see my love. He can see my one, sweaty hour with Jack and he can see that despaired kiss. The kiss of death.

If he can see that, I don't even want to think about how easy it must be for Will to see.

He smiles weakly when he's done seeing. And I don't even have to ask, he answers me before I manage to open my mouth.

"Young Master Turner is in the rum cellar. You probably should talk to him, he looked bloody miserable."

I nod. This is going to be awful.

How do you tell someone you've known for eleven years that you can't be with him anymore?

But despite that, I suddenly realize something I've probably known all along. And Will probably has, too, but I guess he didn't really want to understand it.

Will and me could have been separated at birth. The bond between Jack and me would still be stronger than the one I had with him.

The bonds between Jack and me are unbreakable. There's no point being with Will, because my heart would still be with Jack. All the while.

Because Jack taught me about life. About freedom.

About lust, passion, desire. And he taught me about love that's bigger than love, _more _than love. He taught me about love that's so big that the world was born from it. About love that made the sky blue, love that filled the ocean with water. Love that's the very spirit of piracy.

The things I feel for Jack can't be described by words. It's so big that it's almost stopped being love.

It's more than love.

And Jack is more than a man.

He's a god.

He's a _pirate. _

So I just do what I have to do.

With that thought I walk to the rum cellar with determined steps.

Just like it thought, Will is sitting in on the floor in a corner. Empty rum bottles are spread around him, and even though he's feet away, I feel the smell of alcohol and sweat all the way over here.

All the sudden, I'm worried. As far I know, Will hasn't ever been drunk. And he loves me, of course he'll be upset when I tell him that I'm leaving him.

I don't know if he's a good drinker. God, what if he hurts me!

But I still walk up to him. I know that he knows. His face is bitter, and if it has been all opened up during the time I've known him, it's now slammed shut.

He's holding a rum bottle, even though he's already so drunk that he can't make his eyes stay anywhere, they sort of swims around in his head.

My heart is aching, and I just want to reach out and rake my fingers through his hair.

Will. You were so happy, so innocent, so handsome. And now, look at yourself.

Have I made you this way?

I push the thought away. Instead, I decide to make the conversation as shallow as possible.

"Jack won't be happy when he founds out you drank all his rum, " I say, almost jokingly, and crouches down next to him.

"Sure," Will says, his answer clipped. "Poor little Jack Sparrow. As if he didn't already have _everything."_

I sigh. But before I get a chance to defend Jack, he continues.

"You know," Will says and takes a swig from his bottle, he makes a face when the alcohol burns in his throat. "The only thing I ever tried to do was giving you a good life. A goddamn good life. Everything I've ever done, I did to make you happy.

I nod an almost invisible nod.

"I know that. I'm sorry, Will."

"But now I know," Will rambles on, and I wonder if he even heard that I said something, "that you don't deserve a good life. Because you're a bloody pirate now. A pirate, a filthy little pirate wench that falls in love with pirates. That lets pirates touch her. That…"

I stare at him in shock. I know I deserve every mean thing he can say about me, but it didn't even think he could talk like that.

"I would never be able to be happy with you," I say and try not to sound angry. "I love him. Only him."

Will scoffs.

"Right. And I don't mean anything to you anymore?"

I open my mouth.

I'm going to honest now. For once.

"You mean a lot to me. But I don't love you."

I barely manage to finish the sentence before he throws the bottle into the opposite wall. Shards of glass and rum fly around the room, and I startle, but Will has a stone face. He just gets up, and he doesn't even look at me.

"To hell with you, Elizabeth."

I don't answer him. And I hadn't answered even if he's stayed. But now, he storms out, and somehow I know it's the last time that I will ever see him.

I don't know how long I'm sitting there. It could have been minutes, hours or months before Jack comes. And I can't help but grinning like a fool when I see him.

It's not my fault. I love him so dreadfully much, and I can't do anything about it.

He sits down next to me. And to be him, he looks very serious.

"Do you know why one of my dinghies and Mr. Turner all the sudden are missing?" He asks.

I smile.

"No. I have absolutely no idea."

Jack chuckles and kisses my forehead.

"I love it when you lie to me, Lizzie."

My smile gets wider.

"How did he take it?" Jack asks, and then I just have to laugh.

"Have you thought about where all the rum has gone?"

Jack smiles, too. But both our smiles fade away when we look at each other and I grab Jack's hand.

"So now we're…" I say, fumbling for the right word.

"Aye," Jack cuts me off. "We are. And damn you if you disagree with me."

My grip on Jack's hand tightens. As if I'm afraid that he'll disappear.

"I don't. I never would."

Then, Jack's smile returns.

And when he leans in and kisses me, we enter a brand new time.

A brand new life, with just Jack and me. Just the two of us.

**Aaaand…. CUT! There's the whole fic! Hope you all enjoyed it. If you did, review and let me know! See ya! **


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